unspoken social rules

I was talking to a colleague yesterday about her fascination and experience with Japanese culture. She studied the language in high school, subsequently did a semester abroad in Japan, then lived there for four years teaching English. She can read and write Japanese (no small task!), and understand Japanese movies, etc. Although she loved the culture, language, and her experience there, she said she is no longer as enchanted as she used to be. It's hard to live there, to integrate, to make friends. She mentioned that there were too many unspoken social rules.

True, Japanese culture has many rules that seem foreign to us Westerners, and the fact that they are cultural as opposed to official, linguistic, etc., probably make them seem less comprehensible. But I can definitely attest to the fact that every culture I've come into contact with for an extended period of time has its own set of unspoken rules by which to judge everyone, locals and foreigners alike. Most recently, in my 8 years in Italy, I have noticed a distinct difference in my interactions with Italians. Or rather, it might be better to say that I can now interact with Italians without feeling rebuffed, judged, looked at weirdly, or hurt. And I doubt it's because I've become more confident, but more because I've changed my expectations of them and our interactions. I no longer approach them with a Canadian attitude.

I will never forget a conversation I had with an Italian-Canadian-American colleague who was among the most mature and "in gamba" people I'd ever met, let alone for someone only 25 years old. She said that she had very different relationships with her Italian friends than with her American frieds. That Italians shirked deep conversations, that they bonded over time and the sharing of mundane experiences, that to show you liked someone, it was best to indulge them with your superficial ruminations in a friendly way. She deeply loved the friends she grew up with, but that her conversations were always a little vapid, and that that was okay. They still knew how to have a good time.

Now there is one thing I am terrible at, and that is chit chat, small talk, conversations void of any depth, or discussions about the weather. I get tongue-tied, stutter, react slowly, and can't follow the humor. I never know how to reply. BUT, funny thing, is that I am getting better at having these conversations with ITALIANS! Yes, I am starting to cultivate the perfect comeback for most comments about the rain, the humidity, how early it is, the state of the roads, how sick people are or not, the length of the season, the prices of fruits and vegetables, the latest terrible car accident or flood, blablabla.

Don't get me wrong: I do NOT have any close Italian friends, but for once, I have many Italian women in my cell phone contact list, I have the occasional play-date, the mothers at the pre-school are (genuinely) friendly with me, the teachers too. I consider myself an amateur now of the subtle unspoken rules of Italian culture. It's taken only 8 years. Maybe by the time I retire, I will join the packs of little old Italian ladies waiting for the supermarket to open, dismaying at how wayward today's youth are and how much more expensive the cantaloup is compared to when I was young!

capital of Canada

A good American friend who is smart, has a master's degree, is well-travelled, from Boston, 35 years old, has studied two foreign languages, today at the lunch table had no clue what the capital of Canada is.

WTF?!??!?!

Every other American at the table, except for one, could not answer either.

WTF?!?!?!?!?

I don't presume to think that people the world over should know our obscure capital, but a well-educated American who lives just across the border???? COME ON PEOPLE!!!

tax talk

Do expats have to pay tax on income earned abroad?

Million-dollar question indeed.

In the US, apparently yes, you have to file your taxes no matter what. The first 90,000 earned abroad are tax-free, but you have to file no matter what. American colleagues at dinner today were debating on how NOT to pay, blablabla. I know that in Canada I have to pay tax on income earned abroad. And I am terrified about being audited and told I owe a bunch of money in arrears.

I mean I currently pay around 10% tax in Switzerland, and in Canada, it is something like 45%. If I have to pay 35% of my income for the past 4 or 5 years, I am S*C*R*E*W*E*D. All I can hope for is that what a Canadian nurse who works here is true: the first 75,000 are tax-free.

What is crazy, is that I have not been able to find an accountant or tax lawyer in Montreal who can tell me what to do.

AHHH!